Sunday, 9 March 2014

Full Time Toddler (Permanent Contract) - Job Description

How the job description would read if being a toddler were considered a profession...

We are currently looking to recruit an experienced toddler to join our team. 

Person Specification
The ideal candidate will be a professional whinger, ideally with previous experience of planning and executing public tantrums. Fluent in the art of saying No, you are likely to have a proven track record of Food Refusal and Unhealthy Snack Manipulation. You will need to possess the strongest of wills and a fiery temper. Nap-takers need not apply.

Primary Duties
- Delaying all excursions from the house by at least 30 minutes.
- Following assigned caregiver to the toilet. And watching. 
- Demanding Peppa Pig on repeat.
- Regularly collapsing in a fit of unexplained rage.
- Asking for something and then changing your mind (then changing it back again).
- Managing the sleep cycle for the whole family (5am Parent Bed Invasions may be required).

Hours: Full time (distinction between night and day not always made).
Contract: Permanent. They can't fire you.

The Unmumsy Mum


  1. I think you could have actually written a book on this! Such a great post x

    1. Haha thanks Donna! If I had the time I would love to write a book...thanks for reading :-)

  2. ha ;) I did a 'toddler CV' post not that long ago which was along similar lines teehee x clearly ours could work together! xx

    1. Oh god. They are taking strong. We can win this war on toddler terrorism. And I will check out that post Xx

  3. I'm an Aunty not a Mum (prefer kittens & puppies) but found your blog via a RT & love it !!
    All the people who give me 'that look' when I say I don't want kids shoukd read your blog to save me giving reasons !!!

    1. Haha glad you enjoyed it - I'd stick to the kittens ;-)